You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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