3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
it's like heaven, but drunker
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
