She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
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