i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
