We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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