I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
