i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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