did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
