smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
