What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
