At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
