Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
