I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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