how can u be prego again
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
