I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
