You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
