Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
my shit smells like andre
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
