the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
