on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
