so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
