I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize