please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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