So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
