No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she pinky promised me she was 18
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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