is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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