I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
