and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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