i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
