This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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