Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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