I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
