i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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