i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We are two peas in an std pod
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
