dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
