areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
