I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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