Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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