Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize