Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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