I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
