she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
