Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
