i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
