y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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