what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize