omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
