I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
