haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Even my vagina gasped.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Randomize
