sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize