Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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