I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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