wanna go halves on a baby?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
