I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
