hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Sober January is a disaster.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
