This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
