All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
