around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
