I'm really into asian looking animals
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
