Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
