A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
