he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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