I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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