Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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