The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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