Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
