you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
