So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
