Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
